simple love

I'm such a mess.

I love that. Every day has been difficult in such beautiful manner. Being critical, I find something to upset myself over. It's stupid, but I manage to get back into a spot where it hurts. The process drains me. Yet when I reach the moments I feel the most isolated and alone, a voice floods my mind. God says, I love you. Let me take it from here. The truths I once denied about myself now flow simply. He makes me finally, finally believe that I hold worth. He carries me higher, glory to glory. I'm falling in love all over again.

An unexpected source of encouragement crept into my email this afternoon. A note from my Mimi brought me to tears as I read how she treasured being able to spend the past weekend with me and my immediate family. What a blessing! I doubt she even knows that my mundane little blog exists, but Mimi, you made my week. I love you.

I ran across this song a few weeks ago. I think I'm obsessed. :]

Green River Ordinance - Endlessly

She is my rock and my rolling thunder,
I've been the spell she was under,
I, I love that girl,
She is my cigarettes and champagne,
She's got me strong but I'm not running,
I, I love that girl,
I, I love that girl

She is the days I can't get over,
She is the nights that I call home,
Endlessly,
For you I'll always wait,
caught in the waves of hesitation,
Lost in the sea of my own doubt,
Endlessly,
For you I'll always wait,
For you I'll always wait

She is the flames in the fire, she's raging,
I've been the spark in the war she's waging,
I, I love that girl,
She came along and she spoke so sweetly,
Changed everything, took my heart completely,
I, I love that girl
I, I love that girl

She is the days I can't get over,
She is the nights that I call home,
Endlessly,
For you I'll always wait,
caught in the waves of hesitation,
Lost in the sea of my own doubt,
Endlessly,
For you I'll always wait

In city bars and empty cars,
It's 3am, I wonder where you are,
And the crooked smiles,
and the worn out miles between us,
and I wonder where you are

She is the days I can't get over,
She is the nights that I call home,
Endlessly,
For you I'll always wait,
caught in the waves of hesitation,
Lost in the sea of my own doubt,
Endlessly,
For you I'll always wait

being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

It has been a volatile week. This past weekend was the KLF College Advance (like a retreat but.. forward) and it was nothing short of powerful. I felt restored, inspired, relaxed, and on top of things.

My heart was broken Sunday night as I shared loss with one of my roommates. Her sister lost her unborn son. I certainly lack the right things to say for these tender moments, but this experience made a rend in my heart that pales in comparison to the shock and pain her entire family felt. And I learned. Through trials and moments when we are absolutely sure we cannot make it one step further, prayer takes us bounds further. I learned what real trust is, seeing a family that takes a situation of enormous emotional magnitude and hands it to the Lord. Without Him, we cannot begin to feel healing or peace.

I allow the roadblocks and difficulties I face to swallow me alive. I naively let myself believe that a central issue must consume me, invade every thought. When I know that the Lord provides for even the birds and makes the grass of the field blossom, I still take matters into my own hands. Real trust is falling.

So I take it one day at a time. Because I know that it is possible. I have been affirmed, and am continually surprised to remember that God loves every single silly thing about us. We are His beloved.

"My times are in Your hands.."
Psalm 31