I'm disappointed in myself. Sad that I didn't get what I wanted (spoiled?), but moreover just feel like a incredible failure. I did my best. Really. God loves me and I truly find my identity in that alone. So I know, full well, that this is no indication of my worth. I just feel stupid that I couldn't even make it in.. the only one out of the 5 girls that pledged in my pod that didn't make the cut. And that just kinda bites.
This transition is going to bother me, I'm afraid. I don't want to be pitied or have people make an effort to avoid the subject of social clubs just to protect my feelings. Thanks, but no thanks. Sorry if that sounded sassy. You know that wasn't my intention. Just understand that it sucks sometimes to be surrounded by reminders that you didn't make the cut. Still, I am SO excited for all my lovely, beautiful girls that did.. You will have a wonderful time this semester, and I am blessed to have you in my life in the first place. God has been so, so good in blessing my life.
That being said, I'm afraid that they'll be busy with fun club things and adjustment will just hurt. Of course the dynamic won't be the same, I'm just not always a pro at adjusting to change, apologies. Thank goodness not everyone in my life is in club, so the adjustment will be okay. I LOVE that God has a purpose for me, and this is the beginning of it. This semester has so much potential, I want to get involved in some big project and just rock it. I mean, really anything.
"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails."
Friday, September 18, 2009
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